Question : I’ve always been good in studies, but now I keep thinking about my first friendship with a boy. I keep thinking about the talk I had with him and I’m not getting out of it. My exam is coming near and I do not want to waste whatever I’ve learnt in the past 1 year. Teentalker , 17-year-old
Dear Teentalker,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns.
As teenagers going through developmental phases, you will find yourself getting infatuated or attracted to people of the opposite sex or same sex. You might also find yourself experiencing feelings intensely and passionately and might overreact in the process. Developing these kinds of feelings during adolescence is normal; however, it is how you handle those feelings that will ultimately determine if you’re doing well in different areas of your life, including our studies and exams.
To help you understand this better, please have a look at Robert Sterberg’s triangular theory of love and the different stages:
- Liking (intimacy): that is good friendship between persons of the same (friendship between two boys or girls) or opposite sex (that is friendship between girl and boy).
- Infatuation (that is ‘crush’ or ‘attraction’): passion
- Romantic Love: passion+ intimacy
- Fatuous Love: passion + commitment (commitment= long term)
- Empty Love: Commitment
- Companionate Love: Intimacy + Commitment
- Consummate Love: Intimacy + Passion+ Commitment (the kind of love that typically leads to marriage).
Once again, I would like to repeat: please do not feel guilty about remembering your friendship with a boy; it is normal and natural. However, it doesn’t have to affect your studies either. You can work on the following tool called ‘Automatic Thoughts’ in order to make sure you stay in touch with reality. Please work on the SMART goals activity as well as it will help you to stay focused on your exam preparations.
To learn more, please click on ‘Toolbox’ on the website and select the ‘Tools’ option.
Hope this helps, if you have any other query do connect online for chat between 11am-8pm or drop us an offline message.
Regards,
Expert Teentalk India