Question: I think I am addicted to porn. I am 17 and started watching when I was 13, along with all my friends. It used to be just a fun thing I would watch and masturbate to, but over the years I feel like it’s out of my control. I watch it even when I don’t want to masturbate when I’m tired, and especially when I have study deadlines. I feel disgusted with myself and it’s stressing me out. What’s worrying me is that I find all the “normal” porn stuff boring and I am getting drawn to some really messed up stuff. And I can’t make it stop. Please help me!
Dear Teentalker,
Thank you for sharing your concern. It is sometimes hard to admit by yourself that you have a problem that’s spiralled out of control, let alone seek help for it. That in itself is a brave step forward in helping yourself! Here are some active steps you can take:
- Identify what’s behind the porn watching: if you are anxious, bored or upset about something
- Give yourself permission to watch porn without judging yourself
- If you do decide to quit, consider substituting the activity with something else that is pleasurable and healthy, like talking to friends, running or even watching TV
Being addicted to porn is like being addicted to anything else: drugs, alcohol, shopping, eating or gambling. These activities release pleasure hormones in our brain, which trigger a feeling of arousal. When this arousal dies down, the brain is left wanting it again – and when we are feeling low, empty or anxious, we give in to these cravings. This becomes an addiction when your brain becomes immune to that burst of pleasure and requires more intense doses for stimulation – like escalating “regular” porn to more “messed up” varieties.
You’ve mentioned turning to porn especially when you have study deadlines – often, stressful events can push us to seek pleasurable activities, in a way to channel the anxiety we are feeling. For you, watching porn has become a habit that your brain associates with pleasure. Could it be that you’ve been worried about something? It could be academics, relationships, family… it could be feeling lonely, uncertain, sad, and frustrated. Why don’t you keep a journal listing these thoughts and identifying what triggers you to watch porn?
You’ve described feeling disgusted with yourself, which must be adding to the frustration. Often the thought that gives rise to shame is “I am a bad person because I do bad things”. Shame makes you feel like you are a bad person, instead of simply being a person who sometimes does unhealthy things. Do you see the difference? If you label yourself a bad person, then how can you expect yourself to change your bad habits? Whereas if you recognize that you are just a 17-year-old boy whose habits have spiralled out of control because you’ve been dealing with other issues in life, you could try and make a change.
Read about or talk to teens who are going through similar addictions. Their experiences may help you feel less alone and more understood. If you do decide to quit, do so for a minimum of 21 consecutive days. That’s how long it takes for something to become a habit, and for something to stop being a habit too! And let’s not forget that porn brings you pleasure – so when you quit, know that your brain will be craving something pleasurable to substitute the porn with. Consider a fast-paced sport, a creative hobby, watching a TV show or even chatting with friends as options. If none of the above help then do consider seeing a counsellor who can help with addictions.
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Regards,
Expert Teentalkindia.