Question : I have a helpful nature but still people call me selfish. Even my parents hold the same opinion. Teentalker
Dear Teentalker,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns.
Being genuinely helpful and caring is a beautiful quality to have. This will certainly help you going forward in life, though being mindful of people and situations around you will be necessary.
Many a times, when people who are too nice, too kind and extremely helpful are unfortunately taken for granted. So, if you have helped a person, for example, at least 100 times and choose not to do any favour for the person, the 101st time, then you are perceived as selfish, whereas other people who are actually selfish and may choose to not help other people 100 times, but do a favor for another person, the 101st time might be considered generous. It sounds ironic, but that’s how things tend to play out especially for those who are helpful and cooperative.
So, when people say unpleasant things about you it doesn’t bother you as much and that’s great, but it can certainly hurt a great deal when your parents tend to feel the same way. Many a times, because of the society we live in, outsiders can often try to influence your family members for a variety of reasons, it could be out of extreme jealousy, misunderstanding or simply because they derive pleasure in bringing others down. Whatever the reason, it is important to make sure that your relationship with your parents stay solid regardless of what others think and say.
It is important to have open and honest discussions from time to time and let them know that you care about them, even if differences in opinion arise.
You can also read through the following articles to gain some additional insights:
1. 5 ways to get your parents in your team
2. Parents and kids head to head
Being kind and helpful is great, but sometimes it’s okay to stay a little selfish, because not everyone is worthy of your generosity. Now, I’m not asking you to give up on your value system, but instead suggesting you to be a little more assertive with people who might potentially try to take advantage of your goodness.
Being assertive means being firm and letting others know what is okay with you and what is not okay, but conveying your message in a respectful manner.
Hope this helps! If you need further clarifications, please feel free to write back or you can chat with the Teentalk Experts from Mondays to Saturdays: 11am-8pm
Regards,
Expert Teentalkindia